You don’t reach the top of Hollywood without stepping on heads. It’s a rough game out in La-La Land, and only the most ruthless and bloodthirsty can survive long enough to get their star on the Walk of Fame.
Like Bob Odenkirk, for instance, who gave us a taste of the killer instinct under that cuddly exterior in a recent interview with IGN, in which he announced that he could—perhaps would—stab Mario to death with the shattered remains of his own swimming goggles.
“I’ll tear that moustache off his face, jam it down his throat, take those goggles [note: Mario was wearing goggles in the screenshot Odenkirk was looking at] rip ’em to pieces and stab him with those,” said Odenkirk of Nintendo’s mascot character, who has delighted and entertained families for decades. “It’s gonna be bloody.”
I should probably note that Odenkirk was giving this interview as part of his promo tour for Nobody 2, his upcoming action film where he goes on holiday and kills a lot of people. His task was to look at pictures of other fictional characters and decide if he could take them in a fight. I should note that, but I won’t. Instead I choose to continue living in a world in which Bob Odenkirk is possessed of a rootless, murderous rage against Mario.
“You know why?” continues Odenkirk, “Because of the smile. I don’t like the smile; it’s too innocent. Too innocent!”
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Odenkirk also said that he would “happily kill” The Brady Bunch and that he would “step on” and “crush” Alvin and the Chipmunks, but that he would leave Home Alone’s Kevin McAllister in peace. At press time, Nintendo had yet to respond to Odenkirk’s threats, or to release a comment as to whether it would defend its intellectual property against his onslaught with military force.
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