In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: Idiot sockpuppet lawyers and a bailiff with the power to turn people into chickens. These are their stories.
The stage has been set, on trial is Mr Bean, a known funny guy, an unknown perpetrator of financial fraud. There’s the best of the best on both sides: a sockpuppet cowboy as a prosecutor and Count Dracula’s left sock for a defence attorney. And I’m sat on the sidelines getting to watch these two legends duke it out and write it all down.
The prosecutor started with a bold claim that Mr Bean had been shaving the top off his lottery ticket winnings, forging false documents, and just generally being an all-round shady guy. There were mountains of evidence to back this up: torn lottery tickets, gold watches, and plenty of burner cells. It wasn’t looking good for Mr. Bean.
The defense on the other hand went for a “just trust me” approach, saying that Mr. Bean couldn’t have done anything of the sort because he said he hadn’t, a compelling argument for sure. As the only journalist in the courtroom, I felt like it was my duty to report on both sides in a fair and equal manner until I got sidetracked by trying to draw Yugi Mutou for one of my sensational articles. But for the most part, I think I reported on everything that happened in an appropriate fashion.
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Order in the court
This is just a glimpse of the chaos that can erupt at a moment’s notice in Guilty as Sock, a multiplayer game all about picking fights with your friends. Up to nine players can choose one of seven roles: judge, prosecutor, defence attorney, bailiff, witness, journalist, and juror. But don’t worry. if you can’t find that many people to play with, you only need three for a functioning game.
The main roles are the judge, the overlord of said proceedings, in control of who speaks when and punishing annoying socks that won’t shut up by hitting them on the head and concussing them with your gavel. Then there’s the prosecutor who comes up with the crime and then fights to get the defendant put away, and the defence attorney who desperately tries to help their client avoid jail time.
Both lawyers also have a bevvy of evidence cards at their disposal. While you do have the option to create your own deck of defence or prosecution cards there is also just a base set for you to use to the best of your ability. But be warned, using the default cards can be tricky.
During another court proceeding in which I, as defence attorney this time, was defending Mr John Master Chief from accusations of indecent exposure leading to mass casualties, I had a very limited deck to work with. Now this may seem daunting at first but you can make anything work if you’re creative enough with what you have.
I went for the classic conspiracy defence, using cards like The Party Hat, Ghosted Texts, and Suspicious Burner Phone, to create a narrative in which the accusers were once left on read by my client after a birthday party and were so embarrassed by it that they decided to work together with others who disliked my client to ruin his public reputation.
Needless to say, my client got off scot-free—#NotMyMasterChief—thanks to my brilliant defence and the fact that our judge is a really big Halo fan, but mostly thanks to me. Unfortunately, during Master Chief’s celebrations, he attempted to do a backflip and landed flat on the pavement, breaking his leg and putting him in a wheelchair for six weeks, so I guess the next step will be to sue the pavement for aggravated assault.
Really there are endless fights you could pick in Guilty as Sock—the only limitation is your imagination or how far you’re willing to take a quarrel between friends. My suggestion is that if you have any unsettled beef then this is the perfect arena to bring it up and battle it out. Plus angry emoting sock puppets make even the most brutal criticisms slightly more bearable.
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