Readers of a certain vintage will file the name ‘Habbo Hotel’ in the same mental filing cabinet as games like Club Penguin, The Matrix Online, and that one game on Newgrounds where you fling a plump little guy made of circles around a grey void and also set him on fire.
It’s a game of a particular era, in other words: distinctly millennial in essence, and surely only notable for the repeated and quite grim 4chan raids back in the day, plus the fact that it endures—for whatever reason—in the minds of those of us who have started noticing the odd grey hair in the bathroom mirror. It’s probably been closed for years now, right?
Wrong. Habbo Hotel is, somehow, now 25 years old, and someone over there is still checking in and out with regularity in the second quarter of our century. “It’s Still Alive and Thriving,” declares its anniversary press release—like a letter from the nursing home about your great grandma—and adds that it’s “celebrating its silver anniversary with a month-long event designed to delight both old-school fans and curious newcomers.”
The festivities are many. Habbo’s bringing back all sorts of old-head stuff for people who played the game decades ago to log in, check out, and get misty-eyed over. It’s bringing back the Furni-Matic furniture recycler, some classic games, and “The legendary Throne, a status item for early-2000s players, is returning in a bold new black and gold colorway.” Which I have to imagine is very exciting to someone who was very concerned with their Habbo social status when they were 11.
All fairly heartwarming stuff, and it’s genuinely nice to see these bits and pieces of the old internet continue in our era of monopolised, corporatised, live-service waking death. But don’t worry, there’s something here you can sigh about so hard you pass out.
Right at the end of the anniversary press release, Habbo says it’s “Still innovating at 25,” and plugs its lamentable Habbo Collectible blockchain nonsense. “Recent updates include the introduction of Habbo Collectibles, allowing players to own and trade digital items on the blockchain, and the launch of Relics, a system that lets long-time players convert classic rare items into collectible, authenticated versions.” Nothing gold can stay.
Habbo does also boast about Habbo Hotel: Origins—kind of a Habbo take on WoW Classic with that blockchain guff stripped out (and which our Harvey Randall did a deep dive on last year). Still, to divert to a bunch of NFT waffle in the midst of Habbo’s 25th-anniversary announcement is a sad reminder that you really can’t go home again: the oily degradations of our modern internet seep in everywhere.
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