In a move that global human rights organisations are probably calling ‘a concerning slide into totalitarianism,’ the moderators of one of the largest Oblivion communities online—the TES4 subreddit—have exercised their mad, dictatorial power to lay down a comprehensive ban on people thirstposting about the Flame Atronachs in Oblivion Remastered.
No more low effort ‘Sexy Flame Atronach’ posts from r/oblivion
If you’re not familiar with the situation here, then my apologies for the knowledge I’m about to impart. In essence, when Virtuos went to work on its UE5-ified version of Oblivion, they paid special attention to the Flame Atronach model (Bethesda itself bears some blame here—the OG atronach was alluring enough to inspire an infamous copypasta). For reasons they’ll one day have to justify to our Lord in heaven, they made her, well, particularly shapely. Buxom. Callipygian. Bootylicious.
In a move that surely no one could have seen coming, the internet immediately lost its mind over the poor creature, and you won’t have to wait long after searching ‘Oblivion’ on Instagram, TikTok, or Reddit to find meme after meme after meme of people being much too honest about their physical feelings for a character composed literally of fire.
It all got too much for the Oblivion subreddit, whose mods declared that “We cannot take any more Sexy Flame Atronach posts,” and announced their intention to remove “low effort posts” on the subject going forward. The community responded as you expect: “Can’t have shit in Cyrodiil,” read one dejected Atronach appreciator. “THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD,” calmly declared another.
Other subreddits even got in on calling out this display of power-crazed despotism, comparing it to the worst excesses of the Ingsoc party in 1984. Though I don’t think even the most depraved member of Orwell’s Inner Party banned anyone from hornyposting about atronachs. There are limits.
But rebellion against tyrants is obedience to god, so the community immediately began posting about Oblivion Remastered’s “caked up” Frost Atronachs instead.
Now that being horny for flame atronachs is banned. Can we now talk about real discussions like why is the frost atronach so caked up? 🍑🥵 from r/oblivion
All it takes for evil to triumph is for people of honour to do nothing, so it’s out with the old and in with the cold as the Oblivion community thumbs its nose at oppression. “Curses… You win this round,” wrote a dejected mod in the comments of the subreddit’s first Frost-liker post, but did clarify that “In all seriousness, we knew it was inevitable when we started seeing comments on the original post, and since this is the first post to actually post the frost atronach we’ll allow it to stay up.” Be warned, though: “Going forward though other posts that are explicitly just to show the curvy atronachs or spriggans will be taken down.”
I didn’t see anything about goblins.
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